don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
