apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
