well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
