so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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