the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
