can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
