I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
