Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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