What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
