my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
