I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
