you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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