Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
