his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
