This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
