does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Randomize
