Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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