somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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