I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
