you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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