Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
