She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
