But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
