Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
