I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
