I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
