my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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