i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
