I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
