I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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