She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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