It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
