Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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