I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
