How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
they need to just BURY HIM!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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