So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
