I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
