I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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