Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
