god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
