This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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