the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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