You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She bit a glass in half.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
