dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
