ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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