considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
