The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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