I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
