Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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