Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
