Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
