I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
